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All lyrics by the second coming

Apology 9/20:

I guess I should explain why I always do things wrong.
See, once upon a time I was a regular girl,
but things happened to make me unsatisfied with where I was
so I had to try and change them.

Yes I know I drink too much,
I know I get sloppy sometimes

I don't want to feed your fire by listing faults but
I know you're thinking
"Yea, she's a flake
and she never calls me back
and she never asks me questions
and she never tells me what she's thinking.
She flirts with other guys
and tells me lies
and she only spends the night
when she's drunk and wants some."

So tell me something I don't know,
you really think I don't know?

My reputation walks 10 paces ahead of me
There's nothing I can be but embarrassed or sorry

So they call me supreme fuck up,
well fuck you too.
And they know that I love to touch
and I need to be touched
and I want to touch you.

No, it's no surprise to me
that you are hurt, and you've the right to be but

My reputation walks 10 paces ahead of me.
There's nothing I can be but embarrassed or sorry.

Don't judge before you hear the sob stories I can tell you.
Don't leave me by my lonesome in this cold and dark,
it's starless out here.

Because I'm a rambunctious, violent hypocrite
full of spirit.
Don't you want a piece of me?
You want to take it outside or

Stay-in, lay-in, maybe I can play into your heart somehow
I can charm you into forgiveness?
But now I repent and I apologize and I regret the things I say
and do that make you want to leave me far behind you...

_________________________________

 

Ball and Chain:

The night our romance died
I slept alone
and so I finally see why things are the way they are--

my aura is steeped in too much wine
and too many cigarettes,
all the signs of a party 
that's going wrong... 

I love you because your fingers
smell like cigarettes and taste like salt
and you always look like you're crying
after sex 
you want me because i'm in a downward spiral
and Ill be groveling at your feet next week
if i'm on my knees right now

I make you smile because I get upset
when you tease and say my eyes
are evergreen,
and I make you smile because I can't resist your bare chest

you'll never induce a smile on these lips,
because you can't love me;
i'm not that kind of girl.
i'm tied to my past
like a ball and chain
and I can't escape it
unless you accept it first.

I love you because your fingers
smell like cigarettes and taste like salt
and you always look like you're crying
after sex
and you want me because i'm in a downward spiral
and Ill be groveling at your feet next week
if i'm on my knees right now

 

I can't help wanting you

but my past's like a ball and a chain...
______________________

Bathroom Etiquette:
I had a secret it passed through my lips in the bathroom
and we shared some cigarettes and you said to me
you wouldn't say a thing
we had agreement it's one of those female bonding things
you know everyone knows but you didn't

guessed you should have listened to the rules to learn the etiquette
then you wouldn't have shared that thing I told you in the bathroom

I told you these things that I told you could hurt me
I think it was your intention to hurt me all along
and you know its my fault

because you just smoked your cigarettes and I didn't ask you if you knew
the way to act towards the bathroom talk we share

the bathroom talk oh yea

I had a secret it passed through my lips and into your ears
we shared a cigarette in the bathroom
you promised in that minute you swear that every time
you need to learn the etiquette

I think maybe it's time that you stopped sharing cigarettes in the bathroom
if all you intend to do is tell their secrets

and you know it doesn't help your case that you're beautiful
and it doesn't help my case that i'm not
but please remember please observe

I think it's time you learned the bathroom etiquette
I think it's time you learned the rules
__________________

Bimbo

 

doesn't somebody want to take me out
and hold my hand
and tell me that i'm someone who could really mean
something
wouldn't you like to be the one to look beyond
this blonde hair
and see the thoughts that grow and stretch
inside my head

 

"yea she's got green eyes blonde hair
nice breasts and she'll do
anything
you ask of her
yea she's a person too
but you wouldn't know it by the way she looks at you"

 

doesn't somebody want to take me out
and hold me tight
and lie to me and tell me
it will be all right
and wouldn't you like to be the one
who brags to all his friends
about the bimbo and the backseat
that she fucked you in

 

"yea she's got green eyes blonde hair
kind of small breasts but she'll do
anything you tell her to
yea she's the kind of person who
you couldn't relate to
until she was on her back"

 

and nobody's going to take me out
and nobody's going to tell me I am
better than
what they've had before
and nobody says "I love you"
just like nobody says "you're beautiful"
all they ever say is "maybe Ill call you"

so does somebody want to take me out
and just be
someone who I can talk to
and love silently
and wouldn't you love to be the one
this song is for
and you could tell your friends
I do things for you
that no girl's ever done before

 

you'll say
"she's got green eyes blonde hair
and wit like a fox
and everything I ever wanted in a girl
yea she's the kind of person who
you could talk to
when you're down
or even bring home to mom

 

"yea she's got green eyes blonde hair
tomcat in the sack cos she'll do
anything you tell her to
yea she's a fool
but she'll do
everything I tell her to"

______________________________

 

Black Hole

 

well i'm committed

to my guilt

and the way it washes over me

like the tide

on Westhampton beach

when I used to hide

in the jetty

it's not you, it's me

your face was perfect

your kisses everything

and here Ive lulled myself

into the belief

when I wake up

it will all be all gone

 

but I know

me and my charms

need no introduction

yes me and my charms

need no introduction

 

i'm more committed

to my grief

than I ever was to you

I love the sorrow that I feel

like i'm drowning in fresh air

and walking down the halls in a dream-state

the world that I could take or leave

I remember everyone elses arms

and sweaty torsos

but god your kisses

were the world to me

 

but me

and my charms

we need no introduction

before we tear onto the scene

and deliver me from redemption

 

and my only friend

is this bottle that I have been

crying in

and it's filling with vodka quickly

 

 

so someone better come

rescue me

 

from me and my charms

and the way you left me but

 

I would drag you down

I would make you fall

We cannot be underestimated

I would drag you down

I would make you fall

We cannot be underestimated

 

I hate you for this

I only want to

die a noble death

away at sea oh

 

I would drag you down

I would make you fall

We cannot be underestimated

 

cos me and my charms

you can't escape us

we'll follow you around

until you confront us

 

and this pain I have known

is your fault, and you fear it

because if you get too close

you know you'll fall under the spell

 

of me and my charms

and this pain

and this heartache

and this hurt

and this rage

and these charms

and these charms

oh look at us....

________________________

 

Cassandra:

oh baby
look what you've done to me
i'm a drunk
pathetic little mess
oh honey
couldn't you have foreseen
this?

cos I'm winding down
and I hurt for you
you should've known
you're all I ever wanted

but of course
you knew you had to
when you put me down
and put yourself in me
and buried my happiness
bet you weren't
thinking about me when you did that

and you knew
what you could do
why should you care?
for all you have is yourself

oh ugly, ugly pride
how could you
leave me on the stairs
ugly ugly vicious vodka
cleanse me

Ill fill myself with poison
and hope Ill fade away
Ill fill myself with poison
and hope someday Ill fade away

______________________

Close to Crying:
as I walked away from the doorstep
we both knew there was something wrong
things aren't happening in my world
not the kind that I wanted

its because your eyes are hauntingly beautiful
and because your smile makes me

close to crying
close to crying

we shared everything
but I wish you would've kept a little of it
and I wanted to
walk out the door with my integrity but

you have received everything you've ever asked for
and you've kept your little souvenir of me

and i'm so close to crying
every time I pass you by
so close to crying
and

the tears are welling in my eyes
and I squeeze one out
for someone who cares someone
notices then Ill not be alone

but i'm supposed to be with you
or you're supposed to say "don't be too weird."
someone is bound to notice that things aren't going well anymore

and i'm so close to crying
so close to crying
I know I know but you'll never go away
I want you to be mine
but please please don't make me cry
cos i'm close to crying
_________________

Cold:

 

it's always you
waiting in the doorway for me
letting all the heat escape
but you pervade
like the cool icy breeze outside
in the way you invade my thoughts and heart
like cold air through the seams of my coat

but I think you're lovely
I want to spend more nights with you
I want you to touch me
and make these chills reappear

but whats the use
if every time we touch I freeze
the artic ocean's in your eyes
and when I fall in my extremities shut down
my hair in your fingers
like that 3rd grade recess without my pea coat
your eyes on my torso
remind me that I need to bundle up

but I think you're lovely
I want to spend more nights with you
I want you to touch me
and make these chills reappear

you know your arms are like the scarf
I keep around my neck
night and day
I wouldn't mind if they replaced it
and you and I always maintained contact

you can't escape the cold
just like I can't escape you
you seep through the walls of my mind
like the draft through the windows
I give up
I give in
I give myself to you
I hope you'll keep me

but I think you're lovely
I want to spend more nights with you
I want you to touch me
and make these chills reappear

______________________

Crunching:

Baby's been in an accident
oh no,
what a shame,
but everyone's okay,
everything's okay
a little fear in her stomach
a little vomit
but that's okay

And this cigarette is getting old
and there's a definite panic
rising in me
could I be lonely
could I be lonely
that stretch of darkness
is calling to me
calling to me

I talked to a military man
and he said to me
"come now baby, take a drink"
and I did,
and when he came on too strong,
I told him how refreshing
it was to talk to someone who'd be
dead within the year
and I left him with his fear
and took his beer
and drove into the black.

There's a stretch of darkness
and it's calling to me
calling out to me
and I can't see you
but I'm sure I feel you
every time I come here
I can sense your presence
and there's something morbid
about the great roar
on the horizon
and something desperate
about the willows' swaying

It's 10 PM on a Friday
and I guess I missed
the Great American Bakeout
but is there anyplace I could go
to avoid avoiding
and avoiding
myself
in the darkness?

______________________

Dedicatee:

from the back of the room
your gaze lit up the stage
filling my face with such glee
that I gleamed like Apollo
and my guitar was my lyre

when I picked your face
out of the crowd
I turned deep pink
because every song
was dedicated to you
every word
flew right to you

and I saw in your face
that you didn't see;
although they flew at you
you couldn't receive the words,
but only their beauty
and the thoughts they conveyed
made you believe
that perhaps the words were true
and you fell in love
with my passion
as I set my soul on fire
for you

__________________
Deliberate Speed:
I wonder if you would do things deliberately slowly
devilishly, savagely slowly
if they could match the twinkle in your eye,
brighter than that in the eye of old st. nick

and manifesting itself in your lips and your tongue
tumbling forth in an avalanche of pretty sounding words...

I frolic in the woods side by side with the wolf
and when your lips touch mine, they tease until my legs fail
and your fingers start to move before i'm prepared
and I think you're so lovely I can hardly move.

a concept of Hemingway- pretty thoughts
you illustrate so well with your complete existence
and the concept of pretty so well defined by your eyes and skin
(a gentle tint of pink to each, contrasting blue veins and irises)...

and manifesting itself in your lips and your tongue
tumbling forth in an avalanche of pretty sounding words...

I frolic in the woods side by side with the wolf
and when your lips touch mine, they tease until my legs fail
and your fingers start to move before i'm prepared
and I think you're so lovely I can hardly move.
___________________

Disappointment:

a little boy
playing ball
isn't he precious
don't you want to squeeze him
and tell him it's easy
and teach him to throw a curveball?

who would've thunk he'd grow up
to be a scumbag
who would've thunk something so precious
could be lost in two years?

there's a little girl
who's playing soccer
but she's only playing soccer
cos daddy wouldn't spring for horses
and every night she goes home and dreams
of sparkle
that pony she met
at a birthday party

who would've thunk she'd grow up to be a movie star
and over dose at age twenty three
because she never got what she wanted
not the Oscar, not the pony
who would've thunk it at all

life is a series of disappointments
life is a series of disappointments

I was somebody
I was gifted
I had talent
and I went to special schools
and they told me "girl, you are smart"

but look at me now
I can barely hold
my bank account up
never mind those spirits
and look at me now
what happened to my etiquette

they showed me with a little beauty
you don't need anything
anything

life is a series of disappointments
life is a series of disappointments
and life and life and life
look at the way my life has turned

_______________________

`Fairytale 2002`

His was the face of a child afraid to speak, He was a quiet person anyway, but his face seemed so startled when a sound came out of his mouth that he rarely spoke. He looked so innocuous the day theyd met, so much so that she hadnt really noticed him.

However, a face so singular can only be ignored by a girl whose innocence and perfection has yet to be cracked. Once she had been flawed, she turned to such blue eyes, such innocuous lips and saw what shed missed.

But how innocuous can he really be, when beneath petal pink lips lurk the teeth of a wolf, and beneath sun-rubbed hair lurks the wit of a fox?

So how could she be surprised when his carefully planned carelessness drew her into a corner, and his gentle hands diverted attention from his rough emotions? So he shattered her, while she sat, thinking she was being caressed. She broke into a thousand pieces, only half jagged, and not one touched him. He walked away.

And every night she cries, and every night she drinks herself to sleep. Every night she dreams about what its like to love, but she dreams false. She knows only cunning, she loves only apparitions.

The words that drop out of her mouth are condemned, theyre forgotten and ignored the words of another victim, another poor girl scorned. She had it all coming to her, with her innocence and youth, how dare she maintain such things.

And every night he laughs, and every week he finds a new one, and every night she cries, and every night she drinks herself to sleep. And one day soon shell probably wander off the well worn path shes walking, into the woods and shell never return.

_______________________

Flowers and Weeds:
Tell me where to go
to watch the colorblind children line up
like some Englishmen
waiting to deposit paychecks
before they go to see
the gold band they are working for
the children laugh
but they will never understand what "Red" is...

I will plant a seed and watch it grow
like the distance between us
with every inch
it finds another day we are apart
when you return
I will cut it down and put it in a book
so 20 years from now
I will remember how much I missed you and the loneliness I felt...

but who's to say
when a seed becomes a flower anyway

the weeds will climb
unless we cut them down

once upon a time
I kissed you and then told you the truth
spitting ugly
and it spiraled up to the window in the attic
you forgot me
when you told me you would never be alone
you forgot me
when you said love is a weed that grows

but who's to say
when a seed becomes a flower anyway

the weeds will climb
unless we cut them down

And I will stand with you
until you understand what happens
when the weeds are left
to climb and eat all of the flowers
I will stand with you
until you learn to love the flowers
and twenty years from now
I always will remember your scent...
_________________________

Gastronomie:

Well isn't it so obvious to everyone but me
exactly what is happening to my heart
I didn't realize when I signed that form
it meant you'd all be playing kickball with it from now on

and I bend forward as it pumps in my chest
bruised and bleeding and leaking it's whimpering
thud thump thud thump thud thump I won't fall in love again

and I guess I should've sworn you in
to make sure your testimony was true
and not some lip service the kind you love to give
everything but your goddamned self

and as I walk out the door I can hear you laughing
and giggling and snorting and squealing and squeaking
ha ha ho ho he he "Oh God, What a FOOL she is!"

and everything I try to master fails
from that dish I made to the evening I tried to crash my car and die but got nervous at the last second and
cut the wheel back onto the highway

because my brain was just too tired
of thinking and trying and exhausting all the possibilities
"Stupid girl, what sorts of dreams have you been pushing on me?"

"Just drink your drink," my stomach says
"and we'll block it all out," say my ears
and as for my eyes they just close up real tight
and they see what they feel like seeing
and my feet catch a cold so my nose and my throat
can just cease for a while
and my lungs take the smoke and make balloons
for the cancer cells when they grow older
and my mind she shuts down
and my gut he sucks in
and my cunt opens wide and lets that fuck in
and my heart in the center of me is screaming
PLEASE GOD PLEASE JUST STOP IT PLEASE

thud thump thud thump thud thump I won't fall in love again
And "Goddamned right" I say as I strangle him.

________________________
Genelle:

please forgive me if I get choked up,
my intention was to be strong for you
but tears have washed my face so clean
you wouldn't recognize me anymore

 

like a caterpillar cocooned in that room
let's hope this catharsis ends in a butterfly
either way the story turns
I will not recognize you in the end

 

and you just keep doing what you can do
cos it should've been me instead of you
so I will keep your regrets for you

 

it's like I don't know who you are
we've nothing in common but our lives
but I hope there never comes a time
when we can't recognize each other's eyes

 

and you just keep doing what you can do
cos it should've been me instead of you
so I will keep your regrets for you

 

and everyone might know your name
if you play it right but you're not that way
and I still love you enough to
drown myself in a sea of empathy

 

and you just keep doing what you can do
cos it should've been me instead of you
so I will keep your regrets for you
and you just do whatever you can do
cos it should've been me instead of you
so I will cry for the things you'll never do...
this song's for the things we'll never do...

____________

Grinny:

 

Someone's going to break me,
someone with hate, fear, love and complete control.
Nobody has the urge,
nobody understands the urgency of it,
the world is dying,
we are dying,
but I am already dead.

I left my liver to my best friend,
my intestines to baseball
and I'm going to be buried clutching my ovaries.

I don't want to go to college
or even go on in the 12th measure of Beethovens first,
I don't want parents
or to disappoint them.
I just want to take a cosmic break.
I want it all to stop for a little while,
a fresh breath of sky
and a bath in blood
would really do quite nicely.

Put me in the clear, I've taken it halfway.
I've climbed the ladder
I only need to be shoved me down the slide.
You, you my darling make me laugh.
I love you. You'll never understand how much.
I am your creampuff.

We can eat each other to death.
You are going to die completely.
I'm already dead.

_________

Hearts and Flowers:

 

Out flying like an insect
through the night
thriving on the blood of beautiful
Italiano princessos
while I sit here
plucking hairs from my head
like petals from a daisy
He loves me,
(yank)
he loves me not

I have pulled out my heart
held it in my hands
stroked it like a precious puppy
like a toy poodle
and thats how it's treated,
like a toy
but it's flopping around like a fish
gasping for love and blood
and it's drying up

And all I can do is apply rose red lipstick
to my lips and nipples and the brownish bits on my heart
pull on a halter top
adjust my tits so they make a new heart
across my chest
just be too ready to untie that string
and let them see
the great big scar
where my heart used to be.

I have pulled out my heart
held it in my hands
stroked it like a precious puppy
like a toy poodle
and thats how it's treated,
like a toy
but it's flopping around like a fish
gasping for love and blood
and it's drying up

_______________


Hook:

Say farewell to the summer
and the tides
say farewell to it all

with golden anxious anticipation
we stand on our own
wild eyes and big expectations
we stood all alone
and every time I fall in love
it's with you
and every time I break a heart
its because the stars they told me to

Say farewell to the summer
and the tides
say farewell to it all

hands tucked in our pockets
shoulders dejected we all stand
the tears in the fringe in your eyes;
you're sad, yet you stand
and where'd you get that look in your eye from?
Ive seen it before but not on you
and where did your smiles go to
and I knew you'd say before I said

farewell to the summer
and the tides
say farewell to it all

Say farewell to the summer
and the tides
say farewell to it all
________________________
Just For You:
I just made a jolly casserole
and I made it just for you
I arranged my kitchen for supper
and its glowing just for you

oh and everything I seem to do
revolves around you
oh everything I make for you I make
cos I was made for you

I just made a sunny garden
and I made it just for you
I planted you some daisies
and some sunflowers for me too

oh and everything I seem to do
revolves around you
oh everything I make for you I make
cos I was made for you

you tell me it can't be so simple
but baby this time it is
and you tell me i'm delusionally happy
but baby this dream is real

I just made you happy
and I did it just for you
and no one can ever take it
cos I made it just for you

oh baby
everything I ever do has always
revolved around you
and baby can't you see that you were
made for me too
and baby everything I do revolves
around you
and baby,
oh baby I was made just for you
________________

Libre:

the sun is setting
laying his head down
and it's colder
but the summer keeps me warm

and I feel so helpless
but I never felt so much like myself

And it's nice to be alone again
with the water crashing on the shore
and of course Ill never be as beautiful
as I feel like I am tonight

I'll lay down
with my hair in the sand
taking flight
on the waves rolling in

cos Ive never felt so free
and Ive never been this strong

And it's nice to be alone again
with the water crashing on the shore
and of course Ill never be as beautiful
as I feel like I am tonight

Regardez: le coucher du soleil,
il s'endormira maintenant
et j'ai froid
mais l'été maintient ma chaleur

et je me sens délaissé
mais je pense que je me connaisse!

Et j'aime être toute seule
quand les vagues trouvent la plage
malheureusement je ne serai jamais aussi
belle que je me sens ce soir

Je suis libre
Je me sens LIBRE!

And it's nice to be alone again
with the water crashing on the shore
and of course Ill never be as beautiful
as I feel like I am tonight

____________________

Murmur:

sitting in a park watching everything fly by
singing in spite of trees and crying to myself
tears in our eyes
hackneyed in retreat
kissing on the park bench
your lips screaming

No!

I never knew what emptiness was till I saw the dog
laying by the road
and I cried
sitting in the car in the passenger seat
and I wondered why

No!

somebody said that you can't run faster than anybody else
if you're stuck against the wind
I always ought to know
when you're flying high
but you're shooting low...

No!

you said to meet too far again
I cannot follow your lead this time
you're rhythmically in time, too
I never knew anyone who could move the way you do
and still I frighten you too
you've got something behind you

No!

_____________________________
Neon Signs:
You're so dirty
I could lick you like a cat
and clean you up
for Mummy
but behind it all
the dusted glitter in your eye
would shine through
and give our secret away.

I'm so unsure
I could call you today
and win you over
but I'm tired of your message machine
because nobody calls mine
or even notices that it's broken.

You've got these eyes
that put me off,
they almost seem to flash at me,
I love to stare
but I hate to get caught,
it makes hiding the fact that I'm staring
that much more exciting.

I'm always nervous,
you're looking at my friends.
They're all so pretty
because I can't stand ugly,
or at least where it's noticeable,
but I hide it pretty well inside my ovaries.

It's always terrifying
staring up into the stars,
their void is so much bigger
than the one inside us.
They remind me of your eyes,
they flash like a neon sign,
and they can hide anything
they want in the abyss.

You've got these eyes
that put me off,
they almost seem to flash at me,
I love to stare
but I hate to get caught,
it makes hiding the fact that I'm staring
that much more exciting.
_________________

Only Angels Have Wings:

it was a bad strategy
but it caught your attention
three years ago
you really liked me
you did all these neat sweet things for me
you bought me cigarettes and barrettes

and three years later
I can barely hold your conversation
let alone your attention
and I feel like a strategy is needed again

because I still slip slide
over your lips in my mind
I still see your chest heaving against mine
and we're as stark as darkness
but as beautiful as a rose garden
and as intricate as Bach

sometimes I forget
when we're together
only angels have wings
so what we're doing together couldn't be flying
especially when we can't ever get off the ground

__________________
Only I know where she goes:

"you're breaking her!"
I said to his face yesterday
he just smiled and said, "i'm not."
"she's delicate!"
I said to his back this morning
he just smiled and said, "she's not."

and suddenly the winds blow through and she's disappeared
and I say to him "What did you to do her?"
and he says, "she's fine."

"you've changed her!"
I said to him just last weekend
and he asked, "whats it to you?"
and I told him
and stood up and showed him
and he showed me why I don't care anymore

and suddenly the winds blow through and she's disappeared
and I say to him "What did you to do her?"
and he says, "she's fine."

we are one with the clouds in the sky
we are bigger than and stronger than
anything you know
and she don't need you anymore

and just let go little girl
you're clinging and
you're not needed here
we don't need you anymore

and the wind came and blew away all of the remnants of storms and sorrows
and she said to me what did you do with her
I/he said "She's alright."

but the moon is out and the stars are missing
and something's wrong but he/she won't say a thing

and she's broken
she's ruined
she's gone

and she's broken
she's ruined
she's gone

and she's broken
she's ruined
she's gone

and only I know where she goes.
_________________________

Pan

pt 1:

Every moment you borrow from me at two AM
makes me wonder why I listen at all
Because every word you say to me when the stars are out
is a construction of the evening's spell

And your eyes are melting my skin into a clumsy coat
because you know you can make me fall down
You carry me because you are the stronger of the two
and the wind breathes your name and I am gone

Because I'm so prone to your selfish little tune
that I hum it even when I know you're far away
You say: Just bite your tongue
And swallow your pride
and everything might be all right

My stallion my savior my lover my friend
you defy the labels with a wave of your hand
And every second you stand before me in your glory
feels like moonlight fills my lungs and I am gone

So hush now you whisper and cover my eyes
you play your game with perfect expertise
So Pan you have won me you've stolen my will
and you use my shamed heart against me

Because I'm so prone to your selfish little tune
that I hum it even when I know you're far away
You say: Just bite your tongue
And swallow your pride
and everything might be all right

pt 2:

 

Yes you
You kissed a little different than I imagined you'd kiss but still
it was nice to be kissed for a change
and touched in a way that was beautiful
and strange to my consciousness
but still it was blissful and

I, I never knew that it would happen this way
and now it has and there's nothing I could say to remedy
this situation that has gone awry awry awry

And I
I swore to you that I was truly betrothed to someone who meant
more than anything could mean but
suddenly everything was spinning far away from my control
so I just laid right back and let you take over
me

and I, well I never knew that Pan could be so beautiful so tender
and that jokester and thief, he stole my heart and made a joke
of what I thought love meant to me

Oh I
emerged from the brambles with a new found sense of self
and something dwelling in between my legs
a thought or a flame, it doesn't matter now, anyway I blew it out when morning came but

I, I never knew that it could happen this way
and everything could be a joke to you and fucking hell
and I, well I never knew that Pan could be so beautiful, so tender
and that jokester and thief, he stole my heart and made a joke
of me
It's gone awry that's right he stole my heart and made a joke
of me

________________

 

Paved:

well I could build
a wall
with the lies
you told me

and I could make
the fortress
fortified
with my truths

and all
my beauty
could become
a part of you
if you could use
your talent
for
something good

cos I don't want to stand here
alone tonight
just waiting for a light to
change my life
and I don't want to have to
explain again
why it's too late
to make it alright

and in a dream
I was everything
I ever could
want to be

but late at night
the demons

come and
break my hope like your tongue

and I could share
everything
if you could shut
down your mind
and you could have
all my dreams
if you'd stop
tearing me down

cos I don't want to stand here
alone tonight
just waiting for a light to
change my life
and I don't want to have to
explain again
why it's too late
to make it alright

no there is no time like the present
to just let rocks fly
like insults
Id rather that you stone me to death
than let you drag me
into your mess

______________________

Phone Tag:

the phone rings for the third time
this afternoon
by the time I get there
you've hung up

wanted to speak to you
but you're too scared
I wanted to ask you
why you want to play sad

because I don't know
where you go

and I want to know
why you never call me back
I want to know
why you think that you're right
I want to know

I can cook
like betty crocker
I can think
like Marie curie
I can dance like a g string diva
I can sing like Barbra
so why dont you call me

why don't you pick up the phone
when it rings and you know its me

because
I wanted to ask you
about all those things that you said you would tell me
and DIDN'T
because I am a mess and you know it
I really don't know what to do about it
yea
I'm a mess I'm a mess without you
I just need you to ground me
to show me around and
I want you I want you
I need you

I want you

please don't blow me off

______________________________

Plane Ride:

well I wanted to apologize
for the times Ive embarrassed myself
and your friends
I cant help it I was made this way
this social ineptitude
is one of a kind
I can't disguise it

I am singing about that time
and I wanted to be
eloquent
I don't want to get on the plane
I don't want to ever go away

I want to apologize mother and father,
because i'm exactly what you made me
you wanted a daughter who behaved
and you got one who
over behaves
who overacts
who overreacts
who cries at the drop of a hat
but you didnt want that

I'm going to stay right here
no, I'm not getting on that plane today
I don't want to go away
I want to stay and live in this cocoon
I've built for myself
It's much quieter here
it's much more comfortable
I don't want to go away

And the waters come
and I feel like Noah without an ark
and two by two my neuroses
climb onto the boat (climb onto the boat)
and two by two you walk away from me
and i'm alone

I want to apologize for my behavior the other night
I don't think I can go away

and i'm not getting on that plane
no no no
I'm not getting on that plane
i'm not getting on that plane
i'm not getting on that plane
oh yes I am...

____________________

A Rose For Emily

you once had eyes like the sunrise
over the mountains in
Wayne, PA

searing sunlight
orange and yellow
with all the warmth of an angel...

but the boy that I love
he died some time ago
and I find myself sleeping
with the body that's grown cold
and I miss the way you used to be
and I miss you even though you're here with me

And I buried my sadness
under the influence
and I swallowed my bitterness
along with some rum
and you're talking and talking
when we fly down the highway
you speak to the exit ramps
on behalf of the signs

but the boy that I love
he died some time ago
and I find myself sleeping
with the body that's grown cold
and I miss the way you used to be
and I miss you even though you're here with me

You asked me to borrow
my soul for the weekend
I bought it on sale
at the flea market years ago
cos souls they just die like rats
poisoned by the arsenic of
desire perversion and the
quest for truth you'll never discover

And you
languorously lay in the field
your arms spread like Christs
and celebrating first freedoms
as the world spins beyond your mind

but the boy that I love
he died some time ago
and I find myself sleeping
with the body that's grown cold
and I miss the way you used to be
and I miss you even though you're here with me

but the boy that I love
he died some time ago
and I find myself sleeping
with his body

_________________________

Shoulda Woulda Coulda:

I could pacify your resistance
if you would just
open up your mouth
or if every word I spoke
was honey gold

and I could
lay down beside you
without this feeling I am
empty and we are nothing

equated

and every time your eyes flash down
I am wondering if there was something I could've done
to avoid this panic stricken mess
and every time I drive past your house
I am wondering if there was any easy way
to let us down

and we have left everything
out on the counter
to fill the void
of suburban households
with too many children
and not enough...

love is what we blame
when we let our egos run away
from us
and get too deep into lust...

_________________
Syd and Lucie:
i'm painted for you tonight
these pristine bruises shan't wait all night
for your tender affection.
I let my hair down in your eyes,
and watch them flicker with annoyance
flare with desire,
go on, inflict a little pain
paint me purple and green and grey

nobody knows what color my eyes are
they match the makeup
they match your fingerprints embedded in my thighs
they match the swollen tissue in my stomach
you would suck it up if it were soup
and it's your favorite color.
go on, inflict a little pain
paint me purple and green and grey

go on, paint me tonight,
I can see the fire in your eyes.
don't tell me,
show me.
we are yuko and hiro.
we are on the level of Sydney and Lucie,
in some bizarre role reversal,
I shall be your
Sydney
.
go on, inflict a little pain
paint me purple and green and grey

go on, inflict a little pain
paint me purple and green and grey

the colors you love me to be....
_________________

Tomato Soup:

Another lost afternoon filters into another evening that may as well have never been, where you drink until you sincerely believe you've put a big dent into your free time but realize you've only bruised your booze supply. And you keep wanting to stand up the next morning but you feel too sick of being by yourself to even bother pretending you're hangover...

yea it's you and your usual friend, some tomato soup and you realize it's afternoon all over again...

Another weekend comes and it hardly makes a difference when every day bleeds into the next in a bleary tired state of affairs, it's like 5 am is the only way you know a new day is dawning, color comics are the only indication that Saturday has passed away, another lonely night you could've met someone who would've hurt you in the end...

yea it's you and your usual friend, some tomato soup and you realize it's afternoon all over again...

I swear I wear these striped shirts because I feel like I'm in prison and now I finally understand why Maya said the caged bird sings like "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la..." You know you're never leaving but it makes you feel better to hum along with a song and pretend you understand the anguish of the music...

"La la la la la la la la la la la la la la..."

_____________________________________

To all My Friends (2003):

Through all the years weve sworn allegiance to each other
and to the sisterhood we promised to uphold
and to covet all the things we learned to love together
BFF and all that shit

Now that Im older I have finally found convenience with another
one who wont let me down
and together it seems we could do anything
but mostly were failures

And I want to thank you,
each one personally
for these "gifts" youve given me

Margaux, oh this lust you have bestowed on me
its really something singular
and Meri, this violence aint becoming me
but I keep it for posterity

Blair, those cigarettes you gave to me render my lungs
utterly useless but theyre so "me"
Nikki, those things you put into yourself are new to me
but still I think fondly on you when I say

Maybe old friends are things you hide inside your closet
next to your skeletons and your old jeans
And I want to thank you,
each one personally
for these "gifts" youve given me

Liza, this guilt youve put upon my chest
still hurts me every day
It wasnt till your death that I had realized
Id affected you that way

Blake, I know we singled each other out
But I wouldnt want your cruelty anyhow
But Genelle, oh dear Genelle
Im sorry that we simmered out

Kimmy, Katie, Eli, Molly
Everyone its a sorry party

Through all the years weve sworn allegiance to each other
and to the sisterhood we promised to uphold
and to covet all the things we learned to love together
BFF and all that shit

_____________________
Tremor:

I looked so pretty tonight,
you really missed out.
I was so ready for something
Why didnt you call?
Why didnt you say that it was a lie,
a deception, a tally, a mark on a tree
Why did you stand away
Why did you run away from me?

You all come to me,
whenever youre in need,
but you really cant say
why nobody can complete it.
I'm shaking, I'm shaking, I'm shaking
I've got a tremor now, I wonder why.

I had myself up tonight,
I was ready to ask you
a lot of the things
Ive been dying to say.
Why did you tell me so many things?
Why did you give me the news
and fly off to somewhere,
you could be in jail, on a plane, could be avoiding me.
Why did you run away from me?

You all come to me,
whenever youre in need,
but you really cant say
why nobody can complete it.
I'm shaking, I'm shaking, I'm shaking
I've got a tremor now, I wonder why.

I felt so mature tonight
In mommys make up and high heels
that I broke her heart to wear,
Im sorry I lost your fucking cell phone,
but there are more important things on my mind,
things like,
Do I want to wake up tomorrow?
and
What if I have a stranger's child?
Youre not sorry you made me cry,
when you yelled all the time.
Now I feel unwanted and alone,
and clinging to surrogate love.
Why it makes me want to run away from me...

They all now come to me
whenever theyre in need,
but I cant really say
why I never complete it.
Now I'm shaking, I'm shaking, I'm shaking all over
I've got a tremor now, I wonder why.

They all come to me,
whenever theyre in need,
but I can't really say
why nobody completes me.
Now I'm shaking, I'm shaking, I'm shaking
I've got a tremor now, I wonder why.
____________________
To Jack:

so jack,
you want to know
how it feels to be the one
who is always fucked
by the end of the night
and I can show you

but remember
when you're fucked physically
you're fucked figuratively
and it's taken me too many years
to discover that
love can't be born
into the back seat of a Lincoln
and truth can't be gauged
by the number of shots he's downed

because life is not as simple
as a simple girl would like it to be
all these complications
are not easily avoided
when you work doubly hard
to avoid yourself

because the mirror in the morning
never lies to you
it's the only thing that truly equals truth
and the mess is real
the bloodshot brick
not the floating ethereal thing
you were last night

but I can give you
exactly what you want
as long as you recognize
that it takes
a lot more energy
and pain
to do it this way
than to sit and wait
in the way you claim to hate

_______________________________
White Flag:

I was reassigned to the prison ward at 6 am this morning
working back up from where it all began and I could cry for the ghosts that live there
standing in the doorway I could see the world in my bedroom
watching heaven through a paper bag that says I could fly off my roof

where do you go when the flag has gone up
but you're on the wrong side of the field
where do you end up when your expectations go down
and you fall in the pit they've become

I love you, I truly do and that is why this farewell is so inevitable
everything Ive ever seen in you is a lie, that I have constructed
and though your face will remain the most beautiful one I've ever seen
though your existence in dreams is the most perfect I have ever known

why do you remain when the flag has gone up
and you're on my side of the field
why don't you stop smiling when you trip and fall
over my pit of despair?

let it roll away from you it is not needed
I do not intend to be very much disappointed in you
everyone knows you are already better than I ever was
but I still stand beside you waiting for comparison

I wanted to be away from it all for a single day
I stood on the roof and spoke to the sky for some sympathy
there is no reason for my reactions, no crime I have committed
if I stop talking to strangers it will be alright by tomorrow evening

why do you insist on listening when you don't understand vernacular?
why do you care who won when you don't understand the problem
stop feigning compassion I don't care about what you do not care about
just leave me alone in my depths with my white flag proclaiming my guilt

innocence is lost
innocence is dead
and so am I

 

 

 
  
 

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